Exactly one month from my due date, I am feeling...honestly, pretty tired. And achy. But that's just physical stuff. Emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, I feel like I am just primed and ready to go! Ready to have our little girl with us and start the adventure of parenthood with her daddy. I am marveling today at the amazing timing of our Father. Throughout my life, His timing has remained to me the most mysterious and, ultimately, most praise-inducing aspect of His workings in my life.
Great is His faithfulness. His faithfulness is great.
When the Hunk and I met, nearly five years ago, it was a normal Sunday at church and we exchanged just a few words. We were attracted to each other, but that was about it for a couple months. I was kind-of-dating someone else at the time, and he wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship. The kind-of-dating relationship fizzled, as they often do. And then suddenly, here was this guy. And the more time we spent together, the more...comfortable...it felt. For both of us. And I remember thinking, "If we would have met a year ago, we might have completely passed each other over." I had learned some things and matured in some ways that, if I had met him earlier, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. His story is the same, by the way. And as it turns out, we are amazingly well-suited for each other. So...TIMING. Providence.
One of the ways in which we are well-suited is regarding our decision-making process. I tend to make quick, gut-level decisions, and he likes to consider each decision very carefully before he makes up his mind. So, yeah, we can really freak each other out sometimes. :) But we're learning, as you must do in marriage if you're going to have a peaceful and positive experience, to accept and even appreciate what your spouse brings to the table. You gotta learn how to work with what you've got. So when we (finally, from my perspective) decided to try to have kids, I was ready.
A year ago tomorrow, I was sitting in my doctor's office awaiting the results of a pregnancy test. I had taken one at home which had given an ambiguous result. It had the one line it was supposed to have, and a little sliver of the other line. Drove me crazy! :) So I went to the doctor. It was President Obama's Inauguration Day, and the cutest pictures of some multi-racial children (who turned out to be my PCP's grandkids) hung on the walls of the exam room. Let's just say my anticipation level was at an all-time high. After about ten minutes alone, the nurse stuck her head in, gave me the thumbs up, and said..."You're not pregnant!" Yes, the thumbs up. Apparently she had misread my anticipation as ambivalence, perhaps, and thought that would have been good news to me. Basically, it was not. I held it together until I saw the Hunk that night and told him what had happened.
Each month after that was a roller coaster of emotion. Is this the one? Will it happen this month? Please know that I gave it the good ol' college try to not be so excited...but I couldn't help it. I really was.
Then it finally happened! On Father's Day nonetheless, I got to tell the Hunk that he was going to be a daddy. Timing. Providence.
And today, as I sat down at my desk to start working, and saw the date...I was struck again at how perfect the Lord's timing has been in my life. I can honestly say that, even considering developments as recent as a week ago, I have never been more prepared to have a child. Is the nursery completely put together? No. Do we have any clue what awaits us? Heck no. On some level we know this is impossible. So I know I'm not "ready". But I'm ready. I'm peaceful, and as the old gospel song says...
Many things about tomorrow I don't seem to understand,
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.