John Mark McMillan

I have found another great listen that I want to share with you all. Last Sunday at church, we sang "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan -- an amazing song which prompted me to research Mr. McMillan on the interweb. I have since downloaded his album, The Song Inside the Sounds of Breaking Down, and will most definitely download The Medicine in a few weeks.

Here is a short video of "How He Loves":



And here is another, slightly longer, video which explains the circumstances surrounding the writing of "How He Loves". Have some tissues handy, because it's pretty heavy.

Time flies...

...when you're having fun.



Wednesday, March 18th, will mark the three year anniversary to my marriage to Mr. Jeffrey Carl Pinto. We've been through a lot over the past three years, some good and some bad, and all of it a grand adventure. We have definitely learned a lot. Maybe Jeff will tell you someday what he has learned, but I won't speak for him. I'll share a few things I have learned.

1. God's plan for my marriage is not to make me happy; it's to make me holy. This was God's plan for my life in singleness, too, by the way. I am still tempted to look to Jeff (or coerce him, on my really bad days) to be the source of my satisfaction or peace. Long story short, it doesn't work. He feels stepped on and manipulated, and I feel greater frustration as a result of the coercion process. When I remember to let Jeff be himself, and let me be myself, and let God be God...things go easier for me. And then guess what happens? I'm happier! Funny how that works, huh? For a more detailed conversation on this topic, please see The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley.

2. I decide how I view my differences with my partner. My pastor's wife shared this bit of wisdom with us during pre-engagement counseling (back in the day, I was a little freaked by the idea of marriage, and pre-engagement counseling was one extra step we took). This is basically it: character traits are neutral; they are neither good nor evil. We sometimes unconsciously attribute moral judgments to them, but they are just simply that - our judgements. The biggest difference Jeff and I have is how we make decisions. He prefers to take his time, think/talk through every option, and sometimes even make the decision in such a way that it can be reversed if he wants to explore another option. I prefer to quickly survey available information, maybe consult one or two other people, and then make a decision based primarily on my gut feeling. We are both pretty successful and sane people, so our individual decision-making processes helped us just fine when we were single. But we're not single; we're married.

Now. This is where I decide how to view Jeff. There is always a positive light and a negative light. The positive light is that he is methodical, thorough, and very concerned with being a wise steward of what God gave him. The negative light involves words like passive, indecisive, distractible. It's obvious which perspective will support my marriage, and which perspective will harm it. Conversely, Jeff could say that I am impulsive, reckless, or even foolish for making such quick decisions. Instead, he sees (we both see) the Lord's hand in us being put on the same team. And we strive to find balance and to help each other grow into more well-rounded people. I am thankful for such an amazing friend!

I am also thankful for God giving us that wisdom via our pastor's wife before we even got married.

3. I really am more in love today than I was three years ago. And not in the way I would expect. It's like now I have more data to support the feelings I had then (we're great for each other; he's always so kind; we have so much fun). Those feelings/thoughts were true then, but after three years, I can tell you I believe them all the more.

I love you, Jeff, and I can't think of anyone else with whom I would want to share this life more than you. You are my rock, and I admire you more than you know.

I love you, stud!

Fiction Family

...is my new favorite listen. Comprised of Jon Foreman, frontman for Switchfoot, and Sean Watkins of the now-defunct Nickel Creek. Songwriting at its best, and as this album was recorded during gaps in traveling and other obligations over the course of a few years, it offers much variety in style and orchestration. If you like that sort of thing. And why would you NOT?! :)

Here are lyrics for one of my favorites, which reminds me (a little bit) of Don McLean or early Billy Joel:

Please Don't Call It Love

you were indifferent
i was young
we were both drinking fiction with greedy tounges
you were waiting for someone
something to happen
something irrational
climbing the walls and falling in love

how do you find me here my dove
where my sun also rises sure enough
i was waiting for someone
something to happen
something ridiculous
climbing the walls and falling to what i now would call your bluff

please don't call it love

screaming like screen play off the cuff
we were both stuck pretending our dreams were enough
i will walk in the morning worn in the day
i thought i could i have you miles away from falling in love

truth finds time sweet enough
please don't call it love

Caffeine

I can't sleep. I have to be at church in six and a half hours.

Lucinda Williams...




Cat Power...




And finally, the queen...

LOST

We had a little party last night to watch the season premiere of LOST. I am a huge LOST fan, thanks to our friends A and J, who loaned me season one on DVD last Christmas. Since then I have watched the rest of the seasons and was caught up and ready for season five to start last week. And actually, my roommate Kim and I stayed up on Wednesday night for the very first, 12:30am premiere (and didn't discover until 1:30am that it was a two hour premiere!).

So at our party, I served pulled pork (in honor of Locke), stir-fried veggies and rice (in honor of Jin and Sun), peanut sauce (Claire's pregnancy craving for peanut butter) and...poppyseed muffins (for Charlie). I think a good time was had by all. At least, I really enjoyed having everyone over and swapping theories. We think we know who Faraday's mom is. But that's all I'm gonna say about that.

My favorite quote from last night...

"Maybe if you ate more comfort food, you wouldn't have to go around killing people all the time." -- Hurley

Earmuffs!

I don't make New Year's Resolutions. I don't make resolutions as a general rule, in fact. I think they are a scheme of the enemy to bring shame into my life. Okay, I'm being a little dramatic. Resolutions have a place in one's life if s/he must resolve to do something very needful...like stop cussing around his/her 16 month old niece. Not that I or anyone I know has that problem around their 16 month old niece...But even then, one would rather put forth a very serious effort on a daily basis, than to make promises or declarations that cannot be kept perfectly (especially given one's propensity to VENT at home, and to sometimes curse while venting). Okay, it's me. I cuss around my niece. I'm trying to stop. But I'm not resolving to stop. I'm just...stopping...

The good ol' college try.

My hubby is starting RN school on Monday. Lord willing, he will finish in a year. I just know he's going to do a great job - he's such a hard worker and loves helping people. I'm so blessed to be his wife. I just enjoy being around him so much! We have such silly times.

I think I'm going back to school too. As a student, I mean. The decision-making process on this one has been pretty long, but it boils down to this nagging inner desire to get a graduate degree and an increasing interest in the counseling ministry. I think we have decided upon John Brown University, as they have a well known program and the schedule is very workable around my other responsibilities. I'm taking the GRE on Feb 7, and I'll start the program either in the summer or the fall! I'm super, super excited about this new adventure and everything I will learn.

Life at the house is always fun and interesting. We've had lots of people over lately, which I LOVE, and I have been acutely aware of how blessed we are to know so many great people. Oh, and we bought a Wii. That was our Christmas present to ourselves (hubby and me), and let me tell you -- it is a BLAST!! A big part of the fun is just sitting and watching other people play, but I must confess I am a pretty good Wii Tennis player. :) I stink at boxing. Absolutely stink.

So I guess that's about all that's going on. Or the major stuff anyway. I'll try to update sometime before spring break, but who knows how things will go with this semester. It looks to be a busy one. Grace and peace to you.

Giving Thanks

So my pastor shared a great sermon this past Sunday. It's not on the website yet, but when it is, look for 11-23-08 here. I very rarely recommend sermons unless I feel they are authentic, full of truth, and useful - and this sermon met all three criteria for me.

The title of the talk was "Loving Your Parents", and I anticipated it with a fair amount of trepidation. I do love and respect my parents for everything they did for me - that's not it. But when I hear that a sermon is going to be about relationships, my first question is whether or not the presenter is going to be real about life. I am a child of divorce, and I know more people who experienced divorce or some other tragedy in their growing up years than I do those who did not. So, let's just get down to the nitty gritty, you know? But no worries here. After some introductory material on the Biblical ideal of family relationships, he launched into a time of openness and vulnerability that I rarely see in the pulpit - sharing examples from his own life when necessary, but undergirding the whole time with honesty and frankness. I could tell several people were touched. And I just want to say, keep it coming! People want us to be vulnerable and real, because it helps them be vulnerable and real. In my estimation, this is a major aspect of servant-leadership - humbling oneself (in regards to emotional, or financial, or spiritual matters, or decision-making, et al) so that others will feel more comfortable following suit.

We had our home group right after church, and I opened by talking about the sermon. Even within our group, of the ten people there, only two were going to have Thanksgiving with a family who had not experienced some tragedy (divorce, death, unhealthy relationship patterns, or whatever else). So what do we say to this?

Certainly there are some who would say that people these days complain more. That we should just keep family matters private. While there is something to be said for decorum and respecting the integrity of intimate relationships, I believe this idea as a social more can discourage hurting people from reaching out. Indeed, it can discourage sick people from finding the help they need to get well. I am not interested in complaining for its own sake, but strive to push myself and those around me to answer a simple question in regards to familial difficulties -- What is God trying to say to me? (Not that He originated the difficulties, but that He is always with us and never leaves us and therefore has something to say in the midst of the difficulty.)

Sometimes just asking the question is enough. Sometimes just reminding myself of His presence is enough to comfort me and check my emotions. But more often, I ask that question, and then I get an answer.

"I put this person in your life for a reason. Don't waste it."

"I am with you always, even to the ends of the earth."

"As a man thinks in his heart, so is he."

I hate that last one. Just so you know. It gets me every time.

But what do we do with really tragic stuff? What do we do with our abusers? What do we do with parents who will never be satisfied? What do we do when we really have actually screwed up and they don't have much to be proud of? Or when they really screw up and we're pissed?

We talk. We find that person if possible, or someone trustworthy if not possible, and talk about it. We humble ourselves in openness and frankness so that the other person has the opportunity to follow suit. I had a sweet conversation last night during which I was wonderfully reminded how much healing takes place just when we talk about something. No huge revelations. No advice sought or offered. Just talking and relating and sharing life. We could all use more of this.

And He will restore us. The longing for complete intimacy and complete adventure is stamped on every person's soul, and the Bible tells us that we will achieve these completely in eternity with Jesus. Indeed, we will always feel the ache until the day we meet with Him. But I am convinced that He does not want us to stagnate while we are waiting for that moment. "Let your Kingdom come, let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." This is our prayer. And this is our job. But it is a sweet and satisfying work.

How many have been required to relinquish an unholy relationship, only to have that relationship restored in a new and life-giving context?

How many have endured excruciating excavation of past tragedies, only to realize that these tragedies somehow do not hold the same power or menace over us that they once did?

How many have been able to empathize with some other hurting soul, and have thus realized the truth of Joseph's life? "What you intended for evil, the Lord intended for good and the saving of many souls." (Gen. 50:20)

And it is for this that I give thanks. That He pulled me out of the miry clay and set my feet upon a rock. That He has restored relationship and passion and purpose. That He is the God who heals me.

You have given me more than I could ever have wanted...You alone are good.