Thursday, December 17, 2009


So many blessings for which to be grateful during this Christmas season, and I have named some of them here. But this week I can't entirely shake a somber mood that descended upon me several days ago. Because we have received some blessings this year, and we've also received some sorrows.

Rachel's Tough Lesson for 2009: People can disappoint you, even if you really love them. Sometimes they can hold in their hands a wonderful gift, and study it, and then throw it on the ground and walk away. And sometimes they are so weighed down by what they bring to the relationship, that they cannot deal with the relationship.

So I'm listening a lot to Brandi, and Emmylou, and Lucinda...and reminding myself that the things I put my hope in will never change. Thank God for that, because even my own heart seems to change with the passing of the seasons or even the rising and setting of the sun. I am vascillating these days between two philosophical extremes: total exposure, and hibernation. This-is-me-and-you-should-just-deal-with-it, or screw-the-world-and-leave-me-alone. But instead of acting on these ideas that could wreak havoc on my personal life, I am trying just to focus on loving God first and letting the rest fall into place. Sweet solace.

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