Number one -- it is entirely possible for someone to be laid back and easy going and STILL be a control freak. When I was in the past confronted by my own controlling tendencies, I would tell myself, I'm not controlling. I'm too chilled out to be controlling. Wrong! Wrong-a-bong-a-bing-bong!! So what happened that I now see myself more rightly? Well, I don't really want to go into it. Broad brushstrokes...something I've wanted for a long time came along, and it seemed perfect at first, but the more I learned the LESS perfect it seemed. But I was so focused on THE END GOAL and doing/saying/praying the exact right thing to achieve my GOAL that anything else didn't matter. Several weeks and a couple of pretty enlightening conversations with my husband/champion-of-my-soul later...I was willing to just let it go.
And since I let it go, clarity. The clarity and peace of a bright, sunny day. And the one thing I know is that when this thing I've wanted for so long actually does happen (and it will...He's been telling me for over 15 years that it will happen someday)...it's not going to be because of anything I did. The glory belongs to God, and Him only. And by His grace, I will stop trying to elbow my way in.
You Hold My World
By Israel Houghton
Take my heart -- Lord, will You take my heart
As I surrender to Your will
I confess You are my righteousness
And 'til You move me, I'll be still
And know that You are God
You hold my world in Your hands
You hold my world in Your hands
And I am amazed at Your love
I am amazed that You love me
...I'm not afraid!
My world is safe in Your hands,
In Your hands
Take my life -- Lord, will You take my life?
You are the reason that I live
I believe You have forgiven me
And by Your grace I will forgive
And know that You are God
You hold my world in Your hands
You hold my world in Your hands
And I am amazed at Your love
I am amazed that You love me
...I'm not afraid!
My world is safe in Your hands
In Your hands!
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